I spent a lot of time being in pain, which made eating and exercise difficult. I still managed to complete over 50 push-ups as part of my fitness program. I’m really seeing differences in my physique.
Coming to terms with the fact that the person you love doesn’t love you back is… excruciating. This is the first time I’ve felt this horrible at the end of a relationship.
I’ve never needed to be held more than I do right now.
Danced on stage for in excess of an hour this morning, getting hot and sweaty. ;) Embarked on a strenuous trek through the city and surrounding suburbs, and kept my diet perfect again. Tonight my routine evening run will be replaced with repetitive workouts to tighten, tone, and build strength in my body.
I’m met with an overwhelming urge to weep when I think about the relationship that has broken down. When at it’s strongest, our partnership was something of unworldly beauty; a beauty that I’ll never see or taste or touch again.
It’s been two days since we last spoke. I’ve avoided sending texts and visiting his Facebook profile during periods of weakness. It’s particularly difficult when I reach out in the middle of the night and realise that he’s not beside me, but I am incredibly proud of myself for not crumbling.
Having time to reflect has been good for me. I’m determined not to waste my energy and have been as resourceful with my spare time as possible. Writing, painting, and exercising dull the pain.
I know that this will turn out to be a very healing experience, but at the moment I’m still madly in love. I ache for his voice and warm touch constantly.
Woke up feeling ill once again, and made sure that breakfast was the biggest and most nutritious meal of the day. Finished a 4 kilometre (2.5 mile) run in just over 30 minutes. My fastest pace was 4 minutes and 19 seconds (ie. I could run 1 kilometre in just over 4 minutes if I maintained that speed), which I was really happy about. :)
Fuck staying in bed all day and wishing that things could have been different. Fuck excuses. Fuck complaining. Fuck the ache in my chest and his scent that lingers on my pillows. Fuck this whole sitting-alone-and-being-heartbroken bullshit that I have going on right now; it’s counterproductive and…
(Source: lithely)
Diet was perfect today, and remembered to take all of my supplements on time. Finished the evening off with a 2.6 kilometre run.
Fat. Ugly. No motivation to breathe.
